THE GUILT

Yesterday I finished my work by two o’clock in the afternoon. There was just one sector flight and there wasn't any schedule work cards to do as well. So by around 2:30 pm I was home. As soon as I reached home, I had my lunch and was just taking rest, which turned to long sleep. There was a knock, a constant and irritating one at my door. I tried to ignore at first, but the sound was becoming too loud for my ear drums. Suddenly so ragged, I went to see who it was disturbing my peaceful sleep? There was this innocent vendor girl at the door, perhaps a village girl of early teens by her look. A basket full of fresh apples was hanging down her right hand and her left hand was hanged by a plastic full of sliced pumpkins. No sooner did I opened the door than the girl tells:
‘Acho apple dha kakur me zhag ga, zha nang mey (brother would like to keep pumpkin and apples, please keep)’
Why would I have pumpkins? Pumpkin isn’t my favorite, I have had enough of it as boarder student during my school days and unfortunately it wasn’t apple’s day to come to me in that very mood.
‘Me zhag Me zhag (no, no I am keeping neither of it)’ came the very words from my mouth and my hands shut the door instantly. I went back to the bed to bring back the lost sleep; but I couldn’t, instead the incident at the door came flashing around my mind again and again.

“Why didn’t you at least show her the courtesy as a human even if you don’t want? Have you no other softer sentences to reply than those short, and rude ones? You are such a mean bastard!” Questions kept pouring and ultimately I felt so sorry. I regretted for treating her like that. It was so harsh and rude you know. Just for want of a little sleep, I embarrassed and humiliated little innocent girl! So unkind and so inhumane of me.
Suddenly my instinct told me that there was still time to mend, to heal. I ran fast to open the door so as to keep a kilogram of apple as a courtesy, only to see that she was gone forever from my sight. I don’t know if my neighbors also treated her like me? I hope they weren’t as rude as me. Then I realized how horrible, how bad I can be sometimes. The devil in us often rises in the most unexpected moments you know.

I pity her and seriously I horribly regret for what I did. I feel guilty and remorseful that my conscience did not help me. Does this mean I have at the least a DOT of goodness in me? Well, I don’t know but next time, no matter what mood I am in, I would at least try to show that little goodness in me. Yesterday’s incident will be reminder for me. Please remember my incident and don’t ever be rude like me folks. Good days!

RESPECT

Respect isn’t just an action where one bends one’s head or bows down and kneels on knees with all the effort or say flowery words from the mouth. I think this kind of respect is just one form, so conventional and so outdated. Respect is not something that is so easily earned or so easily demanded; respect must be deserved! And once it is earned, it should be upheld with all the care and caution, because it is so easy to lose as well. Especially in a society where we live in, we are ingrained with the notion that respect is solely bowing in front of someone high in rank, someone well-off, someone who looks up to for something or someone elder or senior than us. We are groomed in a society where anyone better than us, anyone higher in status than us ought to be treated with all these called respect. Perhaps it is true, but only one sided.

I think respect is lot more than mere physical displays and actions. What is the use if one shows all these traits with so much hesitance and reluctance? You know the best form of expressions aren’t always expressed, instead it is just felt? Respect is being yourself, speaking with your heart; it is about being honest with yourself and others around you having mutual understanding. It is about appreciating the individual’s say and opinion, their authenticity, their frankness and their contradictions with dignity and taking it all in to consideration.  Respect is about knowing that not every one of us is good enough, that we make mistakes, accepting these mistakes and learning from it. Respect is about accepting the defeat with dignity and smile, no belittlements and no blame-games. Even fighting for one’s right with valid reason is but respect because both side needs to know one’s grievances and frustrations.

There are people who, just because they are senior (in service) tend to demand so-called respect. First why don’t you show us if you deserve and you know what the respect will follow automatically? Even the drivers talk and act kingly to the so called juniors. As I said, it must be earned! As a driver you ought to know first what your duties are instead of bragging with all the years of service. What is the difference when it comes to picking up and reaching home those whom you know better or are seniors and others who are new? Why partiality? Do your duties without any favoritisms, treat everyone like one with just and equality. If you don’t get any complains or there are no problems and misunderstandings, which in itself is but a respect for you! In today’s generation who isn’t educated enough to not know all these? And if you intently and carefully see in any organization, there seems to be a gap which I would like to called as ‘generation gap’ people tend to blame today’s generation that they are spoiled due to so many emerging technologies, that they have forgotten the very etiquette of humanity and respect. But I dare say that today’s generations have much broader sense of thinking, reasoning and exposure. It only means that today’s generation is flexible with changes, that they are not reluctant with those out dated cynicisms and typical norms unlike the older ones. All these are but a good signs of respect after all.

Ultimately the fact that respect is not so easy a task to earn and too easy for it to lose is that perhaps it is too obvious to us and we fail to notice. We humans are too busy searching for answers far off places that we often fail to see what is in front! Respect is something which you get back if you give, not something you expect from others. Perhaps the best is to live without expectations for expectations often lead to disappointments and discontentment.