Thursday, 31 July 2014

THE GUILT

Yesterday I finished my work by two o’clock in the afternoon. There was just one sector flight and there wasn't any schedule work cards to do as well. So by around 2:30 pm I was home. As soon as I reached home, I had my lunch and was just taking rest, which turned to long sleep. There was a knock, a constant and irritating one at my door. I tried to ignore at first, but the sound was becoming too loud for my ear drums. Suddenly so ragged, I went to see who it was disturbing my peaceful sleep? There was this innocent vendor girl at the door, perhaps a village girl of early teens by her look. A basket full of fresh apples was hanging down her right hand and her left hand was hanged by a plastic full of sliced pumpkins. No sooner did I opened the door than the girl tells:
‘Acho apple dha kakur me zhag ga, zha nang mey (brother would like to keep pumpkin and apples, please keep)’
Why would I have pumpkins? Pumpkin isn’t my favorite, I have had enough of it as boarder student during my school days and unfortunately it wasn’t apple’s day to come to me in that very mood.
‘Me zhag Me zhag (no, no I am keeping neither of it)’ came the very words from my mouth and my hands shut the door instantly. I went back to the bed to bring back the lost sleep; but I couldn’t, instead the incident at the door came flashing around my mind again and again.

“Why didn’t you at least show her the courtesy as a human even if you don’t want? Have you no other softer sentences to reply than those short, and rude ones? You are such a mean bastard!” Questions kept pouring and ultimately I felt so sorry. I regretted for treating her like that. It was so harsh and rude you know. Just for want of a little sleep, I embarrassed and humiliated little innocent girl! So unkind and so inhumane of me.
Suddenly my instinct told me that there was still time to mend, to heal. I ran fast to open the door so as to keep a kilogram of apple as a courtesy, only to see that she was gone forever from my sight. I don’t know if my neighbors also treated her like me? I hope they weren’t as rude as me. Then I realized how horrible, how bad I can be sometimes. The devil in us often rises in the most unexpected moments you know.

I pity her and seriously I horribly regret for what I did. I feel guilty and remorseful that my conscience did not help me. Does this mean I have at the least a DOT of goodness in me? Well, I don’t know but next time, no matter what mood I am in, I would at least try to show that little goodness in me. Yesterday’s incident will be reminder for me. Please remember my incident and don’t ever be rude like me folks. Good days!