Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Rambles of Thought

When ever the theme of possibility or impossible comes to my mind, I remember the scene from the movie- 3 Idiots where Faran (R Madhavan) is made to shove back the tooth paste poured on his palm by Raju (Sharman Joshi) when the former says, "nothing is impossible". Well the reality of  life for most of us seems to be in the same line with that of Faran's state (that moment). Yes, Napoleon Bonaparte of France might have told the world that the word impossible is found only in the dictionary of fools, yet i am never convinced and will never be convinced.

This makes me a loser and hope less right? So be it.  Because i strongly believe that there are certain things which are never under our control or are beyond our reach and i am gonna abide by that. I don't dream too big in my life because deep in the corner of my heart, i know it will remain just a dream, so why torture unnecessarily? I wouldn't expect much from others too, because unfulfilled expectations seems to breed hatred which right now  i have no place, for its filled with the hatred i have for myself. The unfulfilled expectations also depreciate and maligns one's own image of independence. After all at the end, the fact that still remains is that we are on our own voyage, carrying our own load and fighting our own battle.

Lately, i have been trying to evaluate and make pose of myself. Sadness often accompanied by embarrassment and frustration have been constant companion. And i never knew the reasons behind. This reminds me of  my best friend-Ugyen during my school days who often used to tell me that i was like Morem, a widow, confused, unable to make any concrete decisions. And sometimes i feel he wasn't wrong at all.

There are times when the very need of one becomes the burden of another, when the embarrassment of one becomes the fun of another and when the sadness of one becomes the joy of another. Everyone of us experience all these somehow, in the days of our life, only differences being that some notices while others are least bothered.

How can you think of the whole page, when you cannot keep even a line of promise you once made? How can a shopkeeper expect his customers to visit again if he let them with a bunch of cheat and lies?  Instead of absence making the heart more fonder, i feel absence only makes us realize its very value and worth, otherwise we are too much consumed and until it is lost or we don't have it, we fail to understand its worthiness.

Guilt is yet another that seems to degrade and kill me slowly. From as simple as starting a chat in Facebook or giving a call to someone i relies on, even if it is just to greet and nothing more makes me feel guilty. I see my self as a large boulder, a big burden in the path of theirs having tough time to make a side myself, yet still  lacking parts like limb. Poor me!

However, I have been trying hard to make pace myself.  On the other hand i am still watering and caring my own  tree. It might take some some to bear me fruits, but it definitely will some day. I would like to see it bloom to a beautiful flower, spread its fragrance around and ultimately taste the long wait fruit. Until then i can never say who all gets to taste or who will be shadowed instead.