Sunday, 6 January 2013

what is the sole purpose of Marriage?

Marriage is one of the most important ingredients of our life. It defines the union of two souls in all  times no matter what. It is very much more than the mere minutes of enjoyments on the bed. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively last till death. Of course over the time,  personalities change, bodies age and romantic love waxes and wanes. As a matter of fact no marriage is free of conflict. But at the same time what enables the couples to endure all these hardship is how they handle and mange those problems. Life is so short to brood and play blame game over the spilled milk.
Courtesy: Google

On 19th December 2012 evening, on the day of the Meeting of nine evils (ངན་པ་དགུ་འཛོམས), I was returning from Thimphu to Paro with my cousin brother in white Toyota Hilux. I accompanied my brother who works under the Ministry of Agriculture in paro to Thimphu for some public works. The driver of the Hilux was a comfortable and cordial guy in his late 20s or earlier 30s by his looks. He was from Punakha, but he spoke fluently the Tshangla kha as well.

The time was almost 7:30 PM, when we crossed the Thimphu city gate. The ringtone of driver's mobile rang. It was his wife. All of a sudden I heard the change of his voice in conversation. After a hush of rough and unpleasing conversation he hanged off the call. Again the mobile rang and this time he was explaining in detail. I could hear him say: "I am not hanging out, I came to Thimphu with one sir for some public work, If you aren't believing talk with him....." . He handed over the mobile to my brother  and the moment my brother was trying to explain, she called off the call. The mobile rang once again after about five minutes. This time the driver didn't answer and started narrating the whole stories of his success and failures of his marriage so far.

Before he met his present wife, he was once happily married to another with two children but unfortunately it took a twist and they had to divorce. He says the divorce was because of extra-marital affairs by his wife then. The wife took both kids with her with another man. He was left only with a Maruti car and three bags that contain his basic necessities.

After that fiasco, he hoped against hope and remarried with another woman, the present wife. The interesting side of the story is the present wife is also a divorcee with two children who lives with her and the best friend of his previous wife. She is from Tashi gang Dzongkhag. The driver says she is a good and caring woman. She wakes early, prepares him breakfast and does all the household chores. But there seems to be so many mysteries behind all these goodness, which surprises him too often. What kind of a marriage is it if a bride hides her better half any time her parents inquires of seeing him by stating some silly excuses?

The driver cites one instant where I even felt pity and disgusted at the same time. A brother of his wife is a police constable at one of the police training center. Once the driver was told if he could manage a spare wheel for his vehicle (through phone). He managed to arrange that and told his wife that her brother can take when ever time permits. To his utter surprise, what she told her brother instead was: "keep aside doing your work, he spend all of his leisure time loitering and drinking with friends every day after the office hours." "And now her brother despise me, the spare wheel is still in my house" says the driver. At another time the brother (police constable) came to their house at paro just to meet their son in-law. Guess what? The wife made him to hide immediately from her brother. He had to leave his house to another from meeting his brother in-law. He says he never met her parents and siblings. The ugly part of this is even if her parents and relatives come to meet them, she lies to them saying he is on tour these days.

Once he took his wife to his home at Punakha to familiarize with his parents. They were offered dinner prepared by his own mother. Surprisingly he says his wife didn't eat dinner saying the food isn't tasty. She even refused to take a seat and stay there complaining that the home is so dirty. He had to return with her immediately heavyhearted to paro. Since then he is not in good terms even with his own parents.

The driver has tried several time to convince her that they are not made for each other as a couple, that they needed to sort the  hiccups and differences, but she always denies with silly reasons, which has only made him confused and stressed. As a result, his only resort is now to the near by bars.

By the time we reached paro Bongo he was almost wordless. He seemed helpless. He is now very much convinced that he is never meant to lead a very happy married life. He is mentally prepared for the second time failure of his marriage.

I felt helpless too and there was only one thing in my mind: "What is the sole purpose of so-called marriage?"