13th October- Unforgettable Day

Life is strange you know.  So many things are happening and yet to us, it is the same and as usual. We hardly notice the change and the things that happen around us. Today is an important day for Bhutan and Bhutanese; a day to begin with prayer for long life of our king and queen; a day to celebrate over reminding ourselves that there is always hope with king and queen be side us at any cost.  I wish my king and queen a very happy wedding anniversary. May the land of thunder dragon always shine under your dynamic leadership and guidance!

Unfortunately it was a bad and sad day for me! I nearly escaped deadly accident. I don’t know how many has been lucky enough just like me today at the very same time. Some are just so unfortunate.  Just yesterday before I went to bed, I had this very disturbing news from Perth, Australia about a brother of mine by relation who is studying under government scholarship. There was this very disturbing note by himself on Facebook, a heart breaking confession. I really feel sorry. Compared to his, my incident is nothing. I just can’t imagine what has been going through his very mind after the doctor at the hospital told him that he has brain cancer. I can’t imagine how his single mom is going through right now back at home. The last time I heard about him, I am told he is still missing from his room in the college campus and the police are still searching! Where ever he is I pray that he is safe and sound. Brother, you just can’t give up. Sometimes I just wonder why it is just that only the good people have to be the ultimate victim of such diseases and why bad things often happen to only the good people? He is very good and a loyal son to his mother, a very dedicated student to teachers and a very promising career was awaiting his way. Well, life isn’t fair always you see.

Anyway after today’s incident I have learnt some very basic yet very important lessons.  Often we get lost to find our true self, we get what we give and sometimes we have to literally die as well to born anew. A kind reminder of bad dream and a second of delay or distraction keeps you alive. This shows how fragile our precious life is. An ill luck whatsoever is ought to happen no matter what and one just can’t escape. Yet if you still have a ration left, even a small amount, it takes you to that safe land as far as possible so you still have a day more to see the rise and set of sun, a moment more to reflect upon yourself of the real purpose, a minute more to differentiate who your true friends really are and what and who matters after all. At very critical times even a stranger comes forth with consolations like “Are you alright? It okie, everything is gonna be alright” and there is nothing more soothing and comforting moments in such in situations. No matter how greedy or money-minded one maybe, or broke one is, at times of emergencies and incidents like this, Bhutanese people flocks like sheep over to lend their helping hand and that’s the very essence of being Bhutanese. Humanity does exist you know. Of course there is another group, who just comes in take pictures instead and share in the social Medias but that is a different story which is disgusting actually.  I am very humbled by the show of such kind gestures and I remain indebted. Thank you so very much.

I have only heard before how people actually get affected not by the shock, but by the aftermaths of shock and just today only I have realized how true it is actually. People don’t die because of the actual shock, but because of the effects of shock!  

-13th October Diary, Time: 1030PM

Life and its Surprises

Life is not always a wish fulfilling gem. Anything happens for a reason people say, I don’t know if it’s for any good reason? Life has actually its own course, its own track and ultimately we are just a part of it, merely following its destined path. Although at times coincidences happen and we presume our very plan is on the track and that we solely are responsible for that. I have most often maintained that it’s on our own individual hands to whatever we do or whatever and where ever we are up to, but there is always this silent watcher, a silent controller which seems to keep in track of us every defining moment. Hopefully it’s for the best and that the series of unfolding moments are actually blessings in disguise.  

Our life is actually full of plans, we make lot of plans like which organization to join after the graduation (this is after the adulthood), when to upgrade the qualifications, when to get married and start your own family, even as simple as when to furnish our own home or hang out with friends for movies and parties. But unfortunately not all these get in to our own way. There are so many factors that get in between like social obligations, commitments to parents and siblings, and the change of priorities with the ever changing time and because of these factors, our plans get sidelined and over looked. And there are these accidental events that blind us and sway us away from our focus until we realize that it is too late, until we realize that it was actually a mistake. There is always a thin line between hope and the reality, the expectations and the actual result. We often don’t get what we wish and prayed for. Our rigorous and carefully planned plans don’t go in line with our wish and whims. We either fail in between or the unfathomable force of nature (perhaps the fate?) often takes over the control. I have had dreams and I have plans but I am doubtful as to how far will this go until I realize that it’s already robbed off. Yet I am still optimistic that even if it doesn’t go as planned, it will only make me stronger, happier and make me a better person

Career vs Family

"When will you come to me dear?" Says my wife. It has been months since we met; since we had been together; since we had our last kiss. She begins to sob and I hear her say; I miss you so much. She begins to curse her own life and blames  the above for keeping us apart. I tell her it's okie; that everything happens for good reason.

In life, yes one's career is important, but that doesn't mean it should come at the expense of another thing, so called family. Career and family is something that should go together, in parallel. Because at the end of the day, it isn't just the job that will bring in us all that we need in life nor is it just the family that will ensue a successful life. Without  decent and progressive career where might we get struck? These two are like the two sides of a coin that must come and go together.

Yet not everyone of us are fortunate enough to be blessed with both at hand in life. And it's not an easy battle without much  struggle and combat. It doesn't come easily. We need patience, we need character, we need perseverance and most importantly we need trust!  As someone has rightly said if you want to be strong, try living alone. Perhaps it's worth waiting; perhaps everything is happening for some good reason. Perhaps Every second  that we spend thinking about all the bad things that happen with us, every curse we might spell in due course gets paid eventually for nothing is permanent. Perhaps something good is waiting for us? 

The unusual Night

The other night was different one. For no obvious reasons I was frustrated, I was sad and I was filled with rage all over my veins. It was unusual. Lots of uncontrollable thoughtwere running and swirling my brain. I switched on the television screen to divert and calm my mind, flipped channels after channels only to aggravate my situation.  There wasn’t channel that could take away that devil inside playing and messing with my mind. The news channels were all about recent Brexit which has been the headline and breaking news since week back full of politics. The Hindi channels were filled with advertisements as usual which is 90 percent but lie and exaggeration. I decided to open my ibook in my mobile and continue the book I have been reading lately and that wasn’t the savior either. Then I opened the candy crush game which is my perfect time pass usually.But yesterday it wasn’t. The repetitive attempt and failure to go to the next level just added yet another load of frustration and made me even more impatient and irritated. Just then I received a call. It was my girlfriend. The following is the conversation roughly.

“Hello dear, how are you? How was your day?” said she.

“Yes, I am fine and it was good” I said.

“You seem different and unusual today, tell me what happened?”

“Nothing; why do you even bother?” I replied. It was bit harsh I realized.

“Why do you have to be that rude?I just wanted to know”

“What do you care anyway other than your career? Do you even think about ‘US’ sometime?  Don’t demand just because you are calling me.  I was boiling inside and the words seem very easy to come out of my mouth without even realizing what I was intending to say.

“What did I do wrong? Are you mad? From where are those words coming?”

“Yes I am mad, what is so special about us being in relationship? It seems to me that what we have is just for the sake and I am actually fed up! Do you even for a moment thought about life ahead? How will you because we are too busy with our own life.”

“That’s not fair dear”

I was so much into the conversation that I didn’t  realized what I was saying until I heard she was actually sobbing at the other end. By the time I realized, she had already cut off the call and I was talking out loud myself to my mobile phone. But then just like some miracle I was also feeling so light and refreshed after that very moment,I began to rewind back as to what I said just a while ago.  I tried to remember hard the exact words I said to her. I finally realized that I was literally shouting and barking at her for no reason. What did I do? How did I become devil suddenly?  I was hesitant to call her back. I decided to leave here message instead:

“Dear, I am sorry for being asshole. I take all my words back. Please don’t mind. You know lately I have been thinking a lot from my profession to yours, the near to impossible ladder we ought to climb, our relationship, family and siblings. I have been under lot of pressure and that has bogged my mind with lot of weights and it really is frustrating you know. I don’t even know myself as to what I have been thinking. The frustrations I have with in life is suddenly been diverted and you have become that unfortunate victim. I am sorry.And you know the long distance relationship actually sucks. And realizing this even sucks more. It pains me to know that nothing in life is without cost and compromises. But the bottom line is that no matter what, I am just me, that same innocent guy who you met five years back and I would just not change for some silly reasons like this.

With loads of love”

After waiting for some time eagerly, I finally got the reply:

“It is alright dear, I understand, but please don’t ever ask me how hard it is to be in long distance relationship, I know enough. Love you too”

Well, life is certainly uncertain. Sometimes the monster inside us rises and dominates us while at other time the saint inside overthrows it and a lot of good thing happens. Yet life goes on. Living alone actually sucks you know. Despite all that freedom and room to yourself you still feel something is missing. And this is the very plight of single man. Your mind becomes devils workshop at times although the good thing on the other hand is that you get to experience all the weird things that you missed in life..:P

Life and Death

Yesterday I was but a little kid, wondering here and there knowing not where I was going, knowing not what is really in store for me; life took its own turns and brought me to this very stage, I am a young adult now, pursuing and chasing my dreams, not knowing if it is even achievable but the mind insists and seeing others are at the end point, I also joins the bandwagon. The profession we chose often changes us; it energizes us, make us smile. It make us fill with ego at times and sometimes it takes us down into dungeon of hopelessness, but still life goes on. I like to think that I am a good rationale man but what wonders me often is am I on the right track? Did I miss something as a little kid and am I missing something even as a rationale human being? Am I doing enough preparation for things yet to happen? I don’t know. There are more questions than answers. And tomorrow perhaps I will be an old wrinkled man or will I even thrive today? Will I be become a dad sometime and then grandfather? What is in store for me from here? Can I change and control? Will it be easy and will I have the energy and determination then? Or am I tired now only? The list goes on and I am rather left in the wilderness wondering.

Just a few days back, a relative of my friend left his soul eternally at National Referral Hospital Thimphu. I also saw him once just a week ago who looked very alive and jolly. Although he was an avid drinker, he still he looked strong and nice physically. He was full of smiles and would go on well with almost everyone who came across him. You see life is really uncertain. Who would have ever thought that his archery match last week was his last? That the last bottle of drink he took was to take his life? And sadly we are fearless about the death, about the impermanence until we hear or witness someone actually going through. Today also on my way to work, there was this temporary shed built just in front of our office and some people gathered for someone’s soul has left its body  forever. That made me think so much about this life and how sadly we are tethered and swayed by all the ills (which to our mind is but luxuries) of the life. How much will this realization last with me? I wish I can think about this so often. Do you think about death and uncertainties often?

Being Thin

Often it is about being obese and overweight that people generally complain but strangely it is about being thin and underweight that I have been whining ever since I was a student. Most seem to gain weight and their belly protrudes out as one embarks into the world of work (that is a generalization by the way) but unfortunately or fortunately it isn’t same with me; instead, my weight have been consistent since college days.  What should I do? What is wrong with me? Last week I met an old friend of mine who was heading Bangkok. We haven’t met since twelve standards. I was actually shocked to see him totally different with beard on his face and his little belly almost protruding like three months pregnant mother. And it was an embarrassing moment for me to hear him say that I haven’t changed at all, that instead I looked pale, weak and thin. For a man who already knows the fact, comment like this is like a salt on the already sore spot. Anyway that very moment got me into thinking like if I was silently suffering from invisible illness; that if I was alright? Hope I am alright!

Sometimes I just find this life too funny; when most people are finding hard time to lose their weights, following strict diets to maintain shape and all, there is me, trying desperately the otherwise. I even had to lie and add few kilograms to fill in for my visa last year as the BMI showed I was underweight.  Anyway perhaps it is for the good (lol) but I definitely like to gain some weight and become bit more fit and fat. So guys pour me suggestions…:P 

My new Interest

If there is one thing that I regret right now at this very stage, it is about not participating in the games and sport during school times. I have never taken part in whatever games and sports the school conducted, for the reason being that I hardly saw future in that area. As being from mediocre family enjoyment or entertainment was never my bread and every time such opportunities came, I gave second thoughts like what if I get struck and not be able to fulfill my eventual goal? Ultimately it was the academic results that mattered and knowing that, I had always easy excuse when it came to PE classes. By the time I realized the importance of games and sports and other co-curricular activities other than bookish knowledge it was almost too late. It was during the college days in India, when I realized how much it is equally important and fortunately I had college mates who were all interested, most of who were first timers like me who had realized and who were interested to take chance and that’s when I also decided to learn; back then we used to play football the most every evening and surprisingly there was some improvements but sadly the habit got lost after the college days, after entering the world of work and now I see myself nowhere. You see the so-called interest also changes like season and it very much depends upon the environment we dwell.

And last year after going New Zealand for basic training, I started to try new interest: to play tennis, I watched the Wimbledon and US open and soon liked the game and we five of us started to play after class whenever the time permitted. The best thing about in New Zealand is the availability of public resources like outdoor games and sports facilities. There are beautiful parks with free playgrounds for any kind of games after few kilometers distance. The city council is doing excellent job to maintain those parks with beautiful flowers and trees around, clean and green. This is but simple difference between developed and underdeveloped country like ours! Here even if one has interest it is hard to materialize and resources like this are not available except in the schools or institutes or in military camps which are for themselves and sadly outsiders have to pay. But anyway lately I with four other friends have been visiting the lawn tennis court of NIE Paro almost every day. The fee is Nu. 100 for per hour and we have no choice but to adhere to for it is our best time pass these days as the work gets over early (it is still windy season!) a friend of mine plays well and he has been coaching us which is going so far so well.

Well, eventually I think it is never too late to learn in life. And there is nothing like this isn’t for me or that is never meant for me; what matters is the opportunity. There are few of the lists which I missed as small kid and during school life which I am considering to experience as the time goes on; Life is in fact a journey than the destination!

The PR thing

In life it is hard to lead life without help and assistance from others. This society of ours is too large, complex and difficult to lead a lone life. Everything is intertwined and we ought to fit in that maze and have certain circle of people to depend upon each other, we ought to know and have certain personal relationships because we never know what comes next and when we might need their help or lend them help. I am very reserved kind of person and I admit that I am but very poor in this area. i have recently realized that personal relationships play very important role in Bhutanese  society, otherwise the pace is very snail-y and the worst victims are ourselves who have little or no personal relations at all. Even if we know certain people through various Medias, it is of huge help.

For past weeks I have been trying to avail small amount of loan. I went Thimphu to process for the loan and as expected the customer service division was busy like bee. There was huge number of people on the chairs waiting for their turn to avail service. I also joined them and waited in queue for my turn. I felt impatient after waiting for about two long hours perhaps  because I was totravel all the way back to Paro while the clock on the wall was ticking  and crossing 0500pm which is the closing of office hours. Just then I remembered a friend, a senior from my school days who was working in that organization. Ididn’t want to come empty handed back home. I asked one of the employeesabout her who showed me the direction of her office. Luckily she was in her office. She knew why I might have come and instantly took bundle of my papers, requested a friend of her to process. By the time the paper works were all done, it was almost 0600pm, I thanked them all for their help, my friend in particular and came back with smile, I had peaceful sleep (:P)

Bhutan is a too small for such things to happen but sadly the reality is otherwise and such things are very rampant. Now a day even to get one signature has become hard and often the service is thought of as a favor than one’s duty and responsibility. But ultimately at the end of the day, for common people having a good PR really helps and has become a kind of necessity. With this I would like to thank my friend Tshering for helping me.