Sleepless Night

Did you ever experience of an evening and a night when you are physically drained by the day's work but you are unable to bring the very needed peaceful sleep? I often experience such nights where the mind becomes restless and yesterday was such night. Countless thoughts were racing and playing around my head making me sick. From work to home, family and friends to tight grip of money you experience at times, the night was seeming too long. The worst was thoughts about tomorrow being  work day after two days off; I had to be up by 5:00 AM for duty and missing the bus early in the winter morning isn't pleasant at all. These all jammed the very peaceful rest I needed and it was like what the hell? I grab the book titled"The White Tiger" by Aravind Adiga which I borrowed from a friend with the hope of getting some six hours sleep which I  do normally. And it did solve my problem! I don't remember at what time the book was able to provide me much needed sleep, but it was already 04:45 when the alarm clock wake me up.

The past month wasn't really that smooth; there were so many constraints that was physically and mentally draining me out. Keep aside of writing new posts in my blog, I wasn't even able to read other's. Not all incidents in life are worth remembering or worth sharing, life is combinations of all these funny, good, memorable, sweet, sour and awkward moments. Some of these give us courage, some show us way forward, some make us ponder about the mistakes we made and how to go about with it, some strike us with unexpected surprises while some are just the coincidences. There are also incidents which rather demotivates and make us hate the moment we think about it. Even the work that I love so much was beginning to get less concentration and the usual up-to date that I was trying to keep (about the profession) began to fade. The thought and the promise to begin this glorious and galloping horse year with so much zeal and energy and with only good ones have suddenly suffered a struck stop and it has kept me wondering if these incidents at the very beginning of a new year foretells the very same throughout as BAD year? It is saddening when you are somehow dragged into that pool of unexpected controversies. Even more depressing is when you are dragged into that pool for which you are not even part of it and you have little connection with it.

Yet behind the curtains of all the bad and worst things, there still lies some unnoticed spare of the other part which is desperately waiting for our attention and if we notice that and are able to trim and care well that little spares which was once dumped, we find time to smile and celebrate- the much needed in the midst of hurdles.  Life isn't perfect for sure yet who does accept this fact? Being human we like only good things to happen, listen only to nice and flowery words. Often do we fail to realize that such SOLO things are impossible and that everything is but a refinement of the other.

With this I would like believe myself that so much lesson has been learnt from the preceding month and that I will take every possible steps to keep myself away from the bay of useless and helpless situations that only does more harm than good.

The Paradox

The stars that twinkles and dances merrily in the middle of sky, who have all the time to watch its happiness and sorrow for that matter? The beautiful moon that brightens the unhappy couple and turns them to a lovely and happy one, who even feels lucky and appreciates this fact?  Very rare! Who would have even felt gratified by the gentle shower that drains all the sad and bad emotions and not cursed the summer rain that sometimes gets lippy? Who have all the time to see the beauty of all these wonders? The music that enthralls and soothes ones deranged soul and crippled body, who even cares when all is well and everything, is alright.  Unless we feel alone, lonely and estranged, we have no time acknowledge these small beauties that enriches our life.

The closest neighbor who lives just a step away; did you even greet and exchanged hi and hello? We have ample of time to chat and flirt with strangers on the social networking sites and hardly a second to greet our neighbor whom we share a lot of resembles. We (and them in return) hear all the loud noises from the blasting woofers in the late evenings, we witness their kids play around, hear all the silly and usual fights and the irony is that we are but a complete strangers!

The long gone friends, whom you shared same clothes once, whom you have had same meals from the same plate, Do you, even care to call them and say “hi dude, I missed you, how have you been?” Once you are apart, taking your own path, you get sucked by the silly things and you are drenched in the rain of clumsiness. We seem to get lost in the world of nowhere, which is so sad.

 Perhaps the line says it best which I read somewhere and which isn’t complete:

“We have more houses but less home, more acquaintances but less friends, taller buildings but shorter temper, more degrees but less senses, more knowledge but less judgment, more experts but more problems, we have done  more things but not better things, we stay up too late and get up too tired!”

The New Year

The year 2013 has been one of the most special year for me; a mixture of both good and bad. From ending a wonderful college life to struggling for a space with the rest of crowd on the streets and finally getting relieved after the Drukair Corporation came to rescue and starting a new professional life, the year wasn't that smooth. But all the more its only with the scar that a smooth surface comes and looking back i think I have done a good justice. This gives me an immense strength to tackle  and face the unimaginable and unavoidable circumstances that are on the way. This encourages me to move forward with a good thought combined with good actions guided by good conscience.

source: Google

The year has also been a wonderful one with my blog hit climbing 10.000 views.It  feels good to have your blog read by others but it  feels great and even more satisfying to read and learn from other fellow bloggers where I derive a lot of inspiration and motivation. and today on this very first day I would like to make myself clear that I will continue to do so. Blogging is one thing that has captured my mind, that relieves me to have vomit what the rubbish mind has been strangling with and beside all these, blogging has become an integral companion. This year's new year eve is special because my mom just came all the way from the my place to stay with me and that's so satisfying.

As the gallop of  male horse year begins, I would like to wish all my blogger friends a very successful, prosperous and wonderful year and life ahead. I would also like to resolute myself to see good, do good and be good.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Then and Now

The other day Namgang (my friend) and I were gossiping during our leisure time about how life has suddenly changed in time, how we are tuned to fit into that maze of change and how we are made by certain circumstances to change. Change is inevitable you know. As a kid or a young school and college goer, what do we expect from life? The timely entitlements, fun with buddies and laudable result at the end of day were only something that really bothered. There was nothing like living and sailing through as a captain yourself because you have not much to mind about, there were fewer nags, less compromises and fewer nuts to worry about. That period is the best.

And suddenly when you join corporate life, all these begin to fade and this transition is not very easy and hassle free. Your shoulders are bogged with more responsibilities, you have more reasons to worry about, and more things at the date line to be accomplished, more sleepless nights and sometimes you end up blaming yourself for not convincing someone who doesn’t understands you. When put upon the other’s shoe and sit on their chair, we do understand that they were right those times and that our thinking was only from one direction.

Don’t you miss so called college life?  Yes I do! Those silly fights with friends over silly reasons; the times when we witnessed friends becoming crazy over girls and how teachers used to catch and embarrass them in the morning assembly, the teachers themselves hiding their silent crush on the student; the meals which the more you take, the more hungry it would make; the common midnight calls and unforgettable theft cases. Even the undergarment clothes wouldn’t be spared! Is it not funny?

But now when we reminisce back and think upon it deeply, such incidents were but the only essential part of so-called learning. Through all these, perhaps we have become wiser, more tolerant, more vigilant and more decent. Perhaps we have known what an embarrassment or the difference between love and infatuation is? Perhaps what we are today is exactly shaped by those funny and strange moments.

Now what do we have? Only memories of the past which are both sweet and sour! Every day is a routine and scheduled; go to the work, get upset by some silly corporate and professional reasons, come home in the evening, regret about the day, redeem yourself and hope for better the next day. This cycle repeats maybe with slight change. You miss the luxuries you once had the privilege to experience. You hardly have time to contact your best buddies and the tight grip we had once begins to loosen. However at the end its life and it has to goes on. 

Walking Alone

Yesterday I was allocated to with wheel shop to assemble the wheel tyre and the work was finished by 1400 hours. I decided to walk from the work to my house at Woochu. It was bit windy and the sun was having tough time getting through the fluctuating clouds. The new majestic high way from Bondey till Paro NIE Bridge welcomed me where the works are still in progress. The chilly Paa chhu flows down by the side of this high way and it’s peaceful to see and feel how beautifully the river flows; clean and calm and is refreshing to walk down with the river. I wished I was like the river you know, to which it has nothing like turning back, no complaining, no sadness, sorrow or happiness.

I walked through the new pedestrian path- also work still in progress until the Bondey town. I scanned the view of it and thought myself about how shabby it looks. If you do the same next time you will see that Bondey town has more number of beauty parlors than grocery shops! Perhaps people over here are more fashion oriented? There isn’t even one Tailoring shop here. Passing the Bondey Zam which was inaugurated by the then crown prince Jigme Kheser Namgyal Wangchuk, I could feel the shake of it with the rhythm of vehicle’s ply. The road from the Bondey towards Woochu, is dusty and bumpy because the expansion works are in full swing. I wished if it rain for an instant to subside the filthy dusts that irritates not only people who walk or work by the side, but also those lethargic drivers.

Below this is the barren red rice paddy field patterned with few cattle and horses. It is dry and dusty too.  I have walked numerous times along this road but never had such strange feelings. My memories suddenly flashed back to the time when I came for the first time. It was different that time; every valley looked wonderful and green; filled with lively paddy plants. People were busy with the field works.  So this is Impermanence?

Just then a tripper truck loaded fully with logs of wood perhaps for the Bukhari of the cold season passes by and clouds my way with another circle of dusts. I covered my head with the jacket and continued walking to the house wondering if the change that is undergoing in me passes unnoticed as such?

PS: from my diary dated 13th December 2013

Tuition/Coaching in Bhutan

Yesterday after work, it was almost 1800 hours when I reached home. I directly went to the kitchen prepared myself dinner hurriedly for I was hungry and in the midst of it, my mobile was ringing. It was my uncle. We talked about our health; they were all good. He was asking me if there was something called temporary class at Paro. I did not understand the meaning at first. Later I knew what he meant; he was asking if there were tuition classes for students on vacation at Paro. I told that I had no idea about it. His son (my first cousin) has finished class XI science this year and he wanted to have tuition during this winter break. He was also talking of the financial burdens he was going through. For a moment I was sympathetic but then a strong infuriated pulse ran down my nerves and I was suddenly angry. Tuition class? Come on!  Yet I controlled it and seemed normal during the whole conversation. We had some minutes of talk till he gave the phone to my cousin. I directly asked him why he wanted to take tuition classes. He told that XII standard syllabus seems so vast and that he might face difficulties the coming year.

“But I did not, I had not even good reference books to refer, I still managed and my result wasn’t bad” I told. He wasn’t convincing.

Yes forget about tuition or coaching which I have never heard until I reached India, I did not even had the so-called guide or reference texts to study in the tenth or twelve standard. Even then at the end of day, I was one amongst some 145 students who got government scholarship to study outside the country. And I am very much grateful to the government of Bhutan for such good opportunities offered. Especially for families which aren’t strong, getting education is not that easy although the education is still free.

I told my cousin that as long as you work hard with determination and willingness, you will get your share. I told him to come and stay with me and prepare himself if at all he is interested and that I will help if I can. He wasn’t sure; perhaps he is going to take those classes which he said was at Ugyen Academy at Punakha.

Well, tuition or coaching may help get immediate colorful results or whatever the benefits it might have, I am always against it. I think it is for those lazy individuals, who want to take shortcuts. It is only for the rich families who have all the luxuries to walk an extra mile. Why take normal academic sessions then? It is all the more a waste of time and resources. If one is incapable, even dozens of tuition and coaching classes will be of little help. Tuition/Coaching is like spoon feeding a child who actually knows how to eat himself/herself. It makes one more complacent, dependent and lazy. That’s my personal opinion though and not to hurt the sentiments of those who are blessed with all the money and facilities, those who have thick pockets to expend and to avail such opportunities.

On the other hand I think if one is really interested, willing and determined, why not concentrate in the classes during normal academic session, revise and test it yourself? I tell it that the reward you get out of your so much effort and dedication irrespective of day and night is so much yours, beautiful and long lasting than you get with the helping hand of others. It is more satisfying and encouraging.

What do you have to say?

The Career Choice

Ever since graduation, I used to ask myself these: “Am I on the wrong path?” “Did I choose the right profession?” The answer was always vague! I used to scratch my head hard with the hope to find if there was even a right answer to this? That’s when I became impatient and hate my own self for fooling around myself. Decision making is so very crucial in one’s life, particularly when you have so many paths in front. If you don’t choose the right one and as a matter of fact wisely; the only thing that you are left with is but regrets and frustrations. It becomes so late then you know. But then with mistaken path already treaded, it becomes inevitable to find the alternatives and move along with it for life has to go on.

There comes so many junctions in life and one mistake of a step has so much ability to keep you awake or under delusion. Fate may be the deciding factor of our life, yet sometimes fate is what we make about our self. Deciding one’s career is one of the most important juncture in life. As a kid, I was never aware of which career is best in one’s life or which career suits you best. I was neither told as to which career would best fit me nor was there anyone, even teachers who guided me with apart from that normal bookish knowledge. But this doesn’t mean that I am playing blame game here, although sometimes I do feel if only I had some guidance during the school days?

There are so many factors when it comes to choosing one’s career; the interest and the ability we have; the scope that particular profession has in future and it viability through the changing situations and circumstances. Just because others are taking doesn’t necessarily mean that one copies them. In India, most of the profession of a child is a kind of hereditary. If a parent is an actor, his children obviously are groomed to become actor. It is same for doctors, engineers lawyers or businessmen. I have noticed that the profession of most of my friends in engineering college was but decided by their parents.

I don’t know if it is same in Bhutan, maybe it is in few urban areas but not for rural flocks where most of parents are ignorant and innocent due to lack of formal education. One factor that decides the choice of career is having to fulfill the obligations of family as the eldest or the first one to have got education and the need to look after the siblings and relatives. Perhaps this is one reason why people hops into whenever opportunities (vacancies) irrespective of what they desired or dreamt of. The career objectives become secondary you know.

However like I said, once you have decided one naturally finds way to cope with it, we begin to love what we have chosen and if we have all the passion and enthusiasms, I think it is all that is required. At the same time it is a food for thought for all Bhutanese if our youngsters are adequately groomed and equipped towards making right and appropriate career choices in their life?

Did you make the right choice? What is the story behind your profession?