Wednesday, 5 August 2020

Choices and Emotions

Lately it has been busy and tough days for my family . Continuosly for a week or more, we had to rush  to the Hospital, wait for the whole day walking here and there sometimes in the premises of hospital and sometimes on the streets searching for a good room to stay for next few months. It's been a tough days indeed.

You only know the importance of a particular thing when you really need it or experience it yourself.
You know the importance of doctors and nurses and the technicians only when you are sick or when somebody close to you is sick and you can't do anything. The perfect lyrics are in the song Let her go by Micheal David Rosenberg (Passenger).  You only need the light when it's burning low, only miss the sun when it snows and goes on. That's the very basic fact and  nature as a human being.

As a small kid, seeing my sister getting sick time and again with no improvement, I wanted to become doctor and save lifes, do something good; but as the time progressed and by the time I was in plus two, 
That dream just couldn't materialize as I had to opt pure science and not bio science. Ofcourse I had my reasons some of which were influential and which I now feel isn't justifiable. Who doesn't get influenced as a small kid who just came out of the jungle right? What does a kid from jungle know about the career prospects, it's impacts and the importance of having a passion and dream that could make such a huge difference in life?  Finally after the trail exams in plus two, I heavy-heartedly left biology subject to concentrate more on pure science subjects and life unfolded its own part since then. 

I have hardly looked back to one particular day where my biology teacher came to me and said: "Tshewang you left me, not Biology" and the Assistant principal summoning me to his office and scolding me like: " Tshewang how could you decide yourself? You could have consulted the school management about choosing the subjects at the least"

But now when you have to drive and walk almost every day to the hospital; when it's the matter of life and death; when you have to consult different doctors, brothers and sisters seeking clarification and opinions; when you have to follow that busy and sluggish bureaucratic system of the hospital, when you or someone close to you ends up in the emergency rooms, you are like if only I made a different choice that day.  You are like why did you not choose to be the one who could be of help in this very time? Only now do I say to myself: "Had I taken bio- science, would I be doctor right now? Would I be saving lifes? Could I be making difference?"  Could I be wearing that snow white gown? Who knows I could have! 

But then again, life's but a result of cause and effect and I am not very sure if my life would have been different had I taken one step back and opted otherwise? Who knows?  People say Life is what we make out of it, but I feel it's ultimately the very  culmination of one's pre-dispositions of our actions which we continue to cultivate. After all these emotional breakdowns I am actually okie  with whatever happened, happens or will happen. As a human being perhaps it's our nature to envy and to be carried away by so-called emotions.

However, if ever a time can be rewinded back to that very day, I would take a step back and with a smile on my face, choose a subject that would train me to help others when it's a matter of life and death. I would strive hard to deserve that white gown! That's only IF though 😆😆😆

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