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Well to me it is but a fact that an embarrassment creates gap between oneself and the surroundings. The moment we are embarrassed, it seems like every one is ignoring us!. Some things in life are always complicated to understand. i just wonder if others also feel the same. A moment of shame shakes all the confidence we have, all the encouragement and motivation we got and even the dignity we have so to say. It seems to instantly isolate us from the rest of world. It may not be the case yet may be its the individual's own perception and this is what i feel.
Back in the primary to pre-college  times it was always a moment of pride when it came to academics and all was well, how ever, now life has changed! it is never the same and won't be. For last three years, and since then  it has been a moment full of tensions and insecurity. The mind has been into the state of frequent chaos, disorder and fights.Of course this stage of life being college life and the fact of this stage being one of the most wonderful is never kept aside.
People say engineering profession is the best and at least in India every parents wants their kid to become Engineer, no matter what. But I say with that stature comes equal difficulties and hardships, duties and responsibilities,  and if we not live up to that line of demarcation, its but full of tensions, frustrations, embarrassments and worries. Flipping back, i really feel ashamed to see myself as a typical student from a land that knows nothing worthy but at the same time the wish of making my self  at least on that brim is what kept me going.
 For me particularly i never even dream that life would turn out to such thing, from one side of the life, there was this blooming growth of romance and i ended up becoming the victim of so called LOVE, on other side there was a constant fear and worry as to how i might be able to live up to the expectations of my dear parents and there was also this tiny thread  of tensions  for i as always behind the other students. Yes it really disheartens to our own self being unable to live with the mass, who was once on the top rank.
How ever life has to go on, it doesn't wait for those who are slow, it doesn't show mercy either. it is just like a blink when i realizes that i have completed somehow the three long years of my course. i just have a year now to be an ENGINEER. I may have nothing obvious and nothing dramatic of my own course, but what i am really proud of is the wisdom i got about the life as a human being, life as typical peasant's son and difficulties it brings out of lacking. i have known the value of friendship, the value of money, the value of being loved and loving, and after all these i feel it wasn't at all a  waste.
May be i should cherish those moments rather than brooding about that small portion of darker side because life is short.

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